1. |
here i am
04:47
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dragon year born, under the sun of the almighty fish
holding the moon of the ram, i wield the beast on my hip
aquarian air rose on the third month and eighth day
in the morn at mid four plus six, i entered the decade
nearly hung myself with my sustenance ribbon
lifted out of the water well without oxygen
so eager to live, tossed life’s lasso one too many times
nearly roped off my journey before i could climb
but i lived to tell the tale and here i am
silently fell and got up over again
crawled through life with unshared history
now i want the whole world to know me
born a bard with poetic pillars for bones
butterfly blonde with hazel doe scopes
bearing the name of peace and tranquility
the two things my head has always kept from me
spent too long in shadows, but here i am
only took two decades for my life to begin
been hiding in my head, awaiting safe release
i think i'm ready for the world to know me
i understand who i've been, and phases of my life
twenty two now, blooming into a butterfly
caterpillar child, never found the words to pin down
now that i have, and i feel them flowin' out
so it’s nice to meet you, and this is who i am
the chrysalis of cosmic change has burst open
finally found the melodies of my metamorphosis
now i hope the whole world will listen
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2. |
...Who Are You?
02:40
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got dragged to a gathering
no clue who we’re celebrating
but i don't think i'm supposed to be here
i don't know who you people are,
and there’s all this little talk
sayin you remember when i was small
i wonder how many of those tales are tall
cause i never knew you at all
we only share features
from the same faction
of the facial factory
i’ve never wanted to bank
on your side of the bloodstream
the water’s always been cold to me
family is an umbrella term
showered in bloodlined words
and i've been standing in a red storm forever
it would be rude to say “who are you?”
and i should feel somethin’, but it would be untrue
who are you? who are you?
who are you? who are you?
i’ve never known you
who are you? who are you?
would you wanna know me
if you didn’t have to?
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3. |
forget me not (momentos)
03:19
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got no momentos,
don't pose for photos
so do i really exist at all?
only got my words
hope that they'll be heard
'cause i'm afraid that someday i'll be forgot
haven't made a memory
since march with anybody
only hangin' with the shadows on my wall
i write all i remember
into my echo chamber
i wonder if i've imprinted at all
got no momentos,
don't pose for photos
so do i really exist at all?
only got my words
hopin' they'll be heard
'cause i'm afraid that i'll be forgot
memories turn to stories
then folktales in passing
and i've found that i lack all three
when i leave this earth,
will i be preserved?
will anyone remember me?
got no momentos,
don't pose for photos
so do i really exist at all?
only got my words
hopin' they'll be heard
'cause i'm afraid that i'll be forgot
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4. |
Haunted Floorboard
02:36
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when we share a porch swing
and watch the kids running
you'll yell get off my lawn
ill be blushing and laughin'
as our rotten dog starts yappin'
and i'll melt into your arms
would you still love me
when i'm stiff and rickety
like a haunted floorboard?
through splinters and fake teeth
seasoned flesh sagging
my hag heart will always be yours
we’ll sit in the graveyard,
have a picnic with our friends
we’re the only breathers left
joan is in a stone,
billy’s in a tomb
and then there’s me and you
two decrepit dancers
bones achin' for answers
spinnin’ on sleeping souls
and should you rot first,
before i leave this earth
i would follow you into the dirt
would you still love me
when i'm stiff and rickety
like a haunted floorboard?
through splinters and fake teeth
seasoned flesh sagging
my hag heart will always be yours
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5. |
Wasp On The Wall
03:18
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i'm tangled in vines while andy’s drunk on wine
tryin’ to unwind the word web wallace left behind
laurie’s loaded with lackluster clothes
and i’m stuck spyin’ on everyone i know
deedee’s dead behind the eyes, and she can’t find her shadow
sally’s shedding skin, posing solo for photos
ashley’s anger issues, advertised for all to see
shoutin’ to an empty audience ‘i dare yall to try me’
oh to be a wasp on the wall
always subjected to it all
noticin’ everything from the nest
in the nook where i’ve been neglected
can’t turn a blind eye to the buzz and broadcast
swarmin’ round the sweet sting of bein’ stared at
ricky’s rockin’ on the roof, reachin for reasons to exist
while debbie’s drunk and dancing at the dj set
silly straw sips molly, the drink sharin’ her name
polly produced a play by play of her unproductive day
oh to be a wasp on the wall
always subjected to it all
noticin’ everything from the nest
in the nook where i’ve been neglected
can’t turn a blind eye to the buzz and broadcast
swarmin’ round the sweet sting of bein’ stared at
no one needs to know what you’re up to all the time
but to be a wasp on the wall is to live a modern life
we walk in swarms of social spies, searching for shiny eyes
even lonely nests crave friendly flies
oh to be a wasp on the wall
always subjected to it all
noticin’ everything from the nest
in the nook where i’ve been neglected
can’t turn a blind eye to the buzz and broadcast
swarmin’ round the sweet sting of bein’ stared at
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6. |
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although it's impossible, i thought you'd live forever
infinity wouldn't be enough time together
i loved you in this life and i'll find you in the next
meet me at the bridge and we'll walk together again
i hope you love your new wings instead of your paws
i don't know how i will, but for you i'll go on
if you could, wait for me, and fly through the meadow
someday i will meet you on the other side of the rainbow
i hope you frolic and play, but promise you'll wait for me
until i transcend this body
you gave more love than your frame could contain
and i will love you beyond the rest of my days
someday i'll find you in another time and place
will you remember me if you take another shape?
i wish you didn't have to go, but it's part of gettin' old
at least we shared borrowed time
i just never thought i'd have to say goodbye
love and light are infinite
and you are fur-ever
i'm happy that we could grow up together
when the glow in my eyes dims,
and my shoulders sprout wings
i'll know that it's my time to go
and then i will see you
on the other side of the rainbow
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7. |
love lines
03:59
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everyone’s kissin' and dancin'
stupid small town romancin'
i’m an ant amidst skyscrapers, standin'
on a hopeless heart-shaped hill, watchin'
everyone i grew up with is gettin’ married
while i’m on the solemn sidelines staring
i watch these youthful unions and misunderstand
cause in my head we’ll always just be children
trading tokens for coin machine rings
not makin' all our crushes legally binding
never understood what their rush was
maybe cause i’ve never been in love
i only knew how to project and get distracted
mistook delusions for romantic interactions
nobody's ever looked at me for what lies within
too blinded by my unconventional surface
for a long time, i believed love wouldn’t happen
now it seems possible, although yet it hasn’t
i’ve spent my life trying to word what i don't know
scared i'm meant to write everyone's poems
of heart shaped views, i've never been the subject
but i know the story of what hasn't happened yet
i wonder if my love lines are secret prophecies
i’ll know if the feeling ever finds me
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8. |
height marks
05:20
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i used to run through meadows
with my eyes unafraid and closed
knew someday i’d outgrow my body
thought my imagination would protect me
height marks on the doorframe
showed how much i had changed
when i only had growth to gain
before grey mist covered my brain
years flew, never got much taller
but my brain had started to wander
into a smokey abyss
of fear and phantom loneliness
height marks on the doorframe
chipped and withered away
as i started to suffocate
on the shadows beneath my face
i let the mist consume
storybook stacks in my room
all the books i loved as a child
turned into black sweater piles
height marks on the doorframe
turned to tallies countin' the days
to planned expiration dates
wishin' this would all go away
shattered and out of place,
lonely child without a face
i know the mist will never fade
had no choice but to change
my shadow almost took me down
these days i’m glad i stuck around
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9. |
ever upward
02:38
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one more week until school's out forever
id be lyin’ if i said i had my shit together
i'm without a plan,
but i know where i’m goin’
in my chest i heard my cosmic compass whisper
it said from here i’ll be ever upward
but when i try to explain it,
i cant find the words
i trust that voice in my ribs,
cause she's never ever lied
except for maybe once
or fifty times
the skeptics rolled their eyes
at my cosmic revelation
but inside i can't fight
this directional inclination
when i hit rock bottom,
i managed to dig deeper
but my lease in the tectonic plates is over
and i’m moving ever upward
i can't explain something i've always known
or that's how the story of fate goes
can't tell it over, only i know the words
but maybe you’ll understand
when you see me
ever upward
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liv hayes New York, New York
so, here's what i'm thinking...
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